You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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