I think i peed on brittanys purse
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
