We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
