Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
