He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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