Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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