It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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