God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
