I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
