my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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