I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
