The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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