It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i love accidental penises.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
