True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
