I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
