And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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