well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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