Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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