no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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