I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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