i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
