Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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