i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
