YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants