If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.