I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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