he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.