does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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