i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
