I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
