just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
