Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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