Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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