I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
