Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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