Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
