Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
