This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
