Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
