That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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