Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
