just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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