haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
