If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
