Christians are straight up FREAKS
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
