so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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