From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
