dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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