bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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