you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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