I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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