you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize