my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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