I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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