I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i believe in u and ur pee
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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