1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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