is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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