his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
FUCK WHALES
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
