If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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