Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
