today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
