tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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