Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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