Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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