You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
