I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
