I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
