So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
