omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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