I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
