Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
