At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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