so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just tell him i said nine months
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
