i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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