you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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