after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
