don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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