I feel great
I just peed on a car
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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