the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
