I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
