i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
