Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
