dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
