I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pappa wants mamma naked
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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